Have you ever sensed the longing to worship something but found nothing that sustained or fulfilled or filled in the missing pieces? You find yourself longing for an answer held between despair and hope not knowing where to turn or what door to open. Feeling like you were the target of two opposing forces, one force sheds light while the other embodies darkness.
The night sheds its glow with nightly orbs dancing and parading fear while the day's light provides warmth and comfort. Even in the minutes of one's life we pass between the darkness and the light as the battles within rage on. You're standing on the precipice looking out into a cold grey sky. We are confused by the world and seemingly unreachable through religion. We start to rely on our own logic and our own experiences to shape the world around us. Like the potter to the clay our piece is defined to us as our hands define it. We produce our truth and fabricate the stimulus that weaves the fabric of our existence. Are we the creators of our own puppet show and the truth that guides our path nothing more than self-perpetuated fiction?
I used to believe that my righteousness or worthiness was sort of comparable to shopping at a mall. As long as my physical actions produced nothing that I deemed a sin or wrong by what I myself defined as truth. I only purchased what I thought was right. Teetering on Christianity and anything else that seemed to fit the spectrum in which I defined, I knew parts of the Bible but only chose to hold on to it as a historical foot note or a time in human history that ebbed and flowed. I believed in a sort of blind guide fashion that my Heaven was what I made it. I raced through the world a blind victim of its market campaigns and a personal lustful drive towards what it called love.
The physical drove my actions while the metaphysical was absent from my life. All of this stimulation kept me living in a world of my own truths. But I realized there was something missing. No matter what I experienced, it was short term. A void remained. An unanswered question or an unfound clue eluded me still. I did not kill. I donated to charities. But I was still lost and I knew it. I was trapped in a delusion of world separated from the real truth and love of God.
Yet, one day, Truth found me. Like the gentle dove He reached out and called me to Him and I accepted. He began to show me what I was seeing in a new light. Not the light defined by me or the world, but a light that can only be shown through Him. The world was all of a sudden different. I was different. Everything that I sensed was different. Jesus Christ is the truth and He set me free.
The Bible became alive and its words started to pierce my heart. I really experienced what it was like to be born again. It did not happen in a flash of light or a bolt of lightening. No, it happened and continues to happen. He is revealing His love and His power and His grace to me more and more every day. Like the miner who finds his treasure, I found mine. I still struggle in the flesh but I know that He covers me in spirit. That place between despair and hope was bridged. The unsure became the sure and the self-created truth became the Truth, Jesus Christ.
